Spreading Peanut Butter Is Easier

15 months ago, a girl in San Diego went through a really, really hard time. But she endured, and at the end of that, she found the lens to see happiness in the world. It became her thing. She talked about it, dreamt about it, dreamt with others about it, and then spread it, to many others and me.

I’ve learned to understand my own happiness this far, but not the way to spread it benignly onto others. Like she does.

One morning, at 9am, while on my skateboard, arriving at the train station where my train hasn’t arrived, I saw and stared at an elderly Asian woman. She stared back. She was with her husband. They dressed plainly, but clean. They looked very poor, but not hobos. Despite that, he pushed a big shopping cart stacked tall, and she pushed a small shopping cart stacked not as tall, of bagful of things. They were at a meet, where there were others. The others did look like hobos, dirty and smelled bad. The group of them were bartering, exchanging goods from one’s shopping cart for something from another’s.

That’s what I saw, and I judged away. The others looked different and intimidating. The Asian elderlies looked weak and pathetic. The Asian elderlies were probably getting ripped off at their bartering! Aside from which, their association with the others couldn’t be good for them. The others were not as old, not as benign, dirty, and smelly. So my inside filled up with empathy. I wanted to give the Asian elderlies straight-up money, enough to for them have a nice meal and then to start on a better path in life.

Was I really going to give them money? I didn’t have … How much would … What would money mean … Maybe they are already happy? I had stared right in her eyes, and in her eyes, there was peace, more than there is in mine. Maybe this free trial of money, to them, from me, only opens doors to greed, obsession, and the pursuit of more money, to the effect of a free trial of drugs given to newbies.

My thoughts raced, ending with the conclusion that money was probably not the solution to their problems. They have probably attained happiness given their cards in hand and didn’t suffer from the set of problems that I’ve constructed for them in my head. I’m at loss with what I could do for them, what to rescue them from, and how to bring happiness to them.

Time. The train came. I had to get on it. Nothing actually took place between the couple and I, not even a conversation.

But I thought about this more on the train ride. I realized there are very few people whose priorities I understand. For them, I know how to spread happiness (like spreading peanut butter). But for all the others, who don’t share much in common as me, I don’t get them. What brings them happiness?

If their world and my world were on a venn diagram, there would be little overlap because it hasn’t been important to me to expand on this overlap. But the notion of that is starting to sound worthwhile.

P.S. The girl who spread happiness to me is different from me. But she probably shares a large overlap with me and many others.

Adrian and Sabbatical

I hung out with an old friend today, Adrian. Adrian is the guy with a free spirit, who tries to make out with every girl at parties.

Adrian is very well traveled. Albeit a 20-something year old, he’s taken 2 sabbaticals, to South America and Europe.

In his travels, he’s lived with a girl acquaintance on a farm in France, free-lanced alongside the free-lancers for The Ting Thing’s and MIA at a train station in London, climbed the Alps, and slept homeless on the streets of Italy. The last of which was one of the only bad experiences.

Now, Adrian is working a good job, with good pay and lots of freedom, as an even better job, his dream job, awaits him while he learns and prepares.

I’m quite envious and inspired, to work less and travel more. I’ve pondered on this idea before, but I feared not having a steady income and getting rusty at work. Now, well after my current job, it feels right to take a leap of faith. My fears are dissolving by Adrian’s example.

When I come back, it will still be all ok.

“This may seem trite, and you may have seen if before… but do me a favor, and read it again.” - Rand Fitzpatrick

List of Reasons Why I Love My Job Right Now

• I use the product, and I’m a happy customer.
• I look up to my coworkers.
• My coworkers treat me with respect even though I’m junior to them.
• My manager gives me dating advice.
• My CEO wants to get me all jazzed up about work.
• I have a programming partner who keeps me engaged throughout of the day.
• I’m programming in a language optimized for programmer happiness.
• I have a standing desk, a mac, and an ergo keyboard.

Connecting the Dots

So Dulcediem.com was nominated for best events website by popular vote on SFWeekly.com. An award party was held last night at 111 Minna. It was actually a pretty bomb party because there was swags (AA t-shirts, movie tickets, etc.), free wine, vodka, beer tastings, and most importantly an even guy/girl ratio.

We unfortunately didn’t win… But keep reading because this story is not about winning.

This story is about a girl. She was the ‘swag girl’ amongst other fun facts/personally identifiable info that are better off left undisclosed. She and co-workers were giving out fun looking, mildly branded American Apparel t-shirts, so long you text-voted for your favorite company from their list of 5 companies that they partner with.

I got mine, but I kept revisiting her booth with friends. Old friends, new friends, I kept brining them to get t-shirts.

At first it felt benign, but then it became obvious. I liked her.

I asked her for her number. She gave. I gave back a hug.

She’s cute and tall. Big eyes, skinny legs, nice hair, and nice skin

I called her today. I asked her if she wanted to go to a flash mob dance practice with me tomorrow since my other friend couldn’t come anymore. She thought it was a ridiculous idea. She doesn’t dance, especially not publicly, and she has tried it before, and it was awful. She said.

I asked her what she liked. She liked to read. I like to read. Let’s go to the beach and read. The beach is cold. What if we went up to Marin? Like Stinson beach. It’s warm there. OK, but not tomorrow because I’m going to the Castro with Sara. Did I meet Sarah last night? No, Sara doesn’t work for ______. I see. Well bring Sara to the beach! I don’t know if Sara wants to go. I’ll ask her. K, call or text me when you find out.

Text from Linday:

Listen Jason, my plans with Sara are actually a date. I’m bi and I’ve liked her for a while. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but if things don’t work out with her I’m sure it’d be fun to go to the beach with you sometime.

Connecting the dots:

• She brought up Sara when I had no idea who Sara was because Sara was important to her for a good reason.
• She mentioned that she was going to the Castro.

I wished her a good time and told her that the sun will be out tomrrow in the Castro area too.

“Never Eat Lunch Alone”

Heard that before? It’s the name of a popular book. I haven’t read it yet, but I can roughly guess what it must be about. It’s got a valid point. Lunches oughta be social. Especially at a work setting, where your head might be buried in work 3 hours before lunch and 5 hours after lunch. Lunch is a good opportunity to network, to schmooze your way to knowing the right people for when the right place and right time comes.

Just imagine starting a new job and eating lunch alone. Luckily, that won’t happen on your first day because your manager will take you out to lunch. And pay too. But the next few days, if you end up eating alone, that would be unfortunate. I would hope that the situation takes a turn soon because if it grows into a habit, it would be a bad one, and bad habits are hard to change.

When I started my current job, I scheduled lunches with everybody I came to meet. The benefit was immediate. My name was quickly put out there. It was nice coming to work and being greeted by name by anyone I ran into. I didn’t have to be shy about asking questions, and more importantly, I knew who to navigate my questions to.

Some of these relationships were single serving. We met once for lunch, and from then on, it wasn’t any more than greetings in the hallway. Some developed into friendships, with recurring lunches and/or hanging out in the evenings/on the weekends. And a handful of relationships became helpful to my career growth, in the form of mentorship and job opportunities. I welcomed all the mentorship, but have yet to take up on any job opportunities.

I actually haven’t come across a situation where it was the right time and the right place, and I needed to exercise one of these lunch-induced relationships to save/seize the day. Maybe that means bad journalism because I don’t have a good ending to this story just yet. But I don’t doubt that a happy ending is in the works.